30 before 30. How did I do?

Posted on June 12, 2019 by lukemalkin

When I turned 29 I thought I’d use the decade deadline to encourage me to do some things in life that I would just let slip otherwise. Everyone knows the power of a good time limit for productivity. It was a 30 before 30. Well, I just celebrated my 30th birthday- so how did I do? Would I recommend this? And what do I do now I AM 30?

Goal 1: Meet my niece

Of course, yes.
My niece lives on the other side of the world, and hasn’t been here for a whole year yet. This was always going to happen as long as my plane made it to the Uk over christmas, which it did. Hooray. She’s my first niece and she’s beautiful. Here’s a blogpost about it. Completed. Good start. 1/1.

2: Take my countries visited total to 20.
Yep.

It’s nothing personal, Paraguay

Got this one done over Christmas and New Year too. I needed to get from 18 to 20 to complete this challenge. In January 2019 I added Austria and Czech Republic to my tally and they were both great holidays with great friends and experiences. I started writing a rundown ranking of these 20 countries if you want the long version . Hopefully I’ll get round to writing some more of these because I was enjoying it. Completed. 2/2.

3: Finish my current Spanish textbook
Si.
My Spanish still has a long way to go and I hardly aced the B1 exam my teacher set me, but it has been very useful to actually study the grammar that I otherwise trip around. My fluency is much better than my accuracy in Spanish because I’ve spent so long resting on the fact that I can get by just fine. I’ve made some good progress this year though, even if there’s still a long way to go. Completed. 3/3.

4: Visit 3 new places in Bolivia
No. I only visited 2: El fuerte and Cochabamba.

I should have gone after this goal a bit more to be honest as there are a couple of villages close to Santa Cruz that I would have counted as new places. On the plus side, this goal was partial motivation to check out Cochabamba which was the biggest gap in my understanding of Bolivia. As of now there’s no one place in Bolivia that I feel I have to go to to understand Bolivia a bit more. If you’re unfamiliar with the country, Bolivia has lots of tapped and untapped potential. There will always be new adventures to seek out somewhere off the beaten track in the future perhaps. Partial completion, but it doesn`t count to the tally. 3/4.

5: Jump out of something big
No. Didn’t even try this one.
I like the idea of doing a parachute jump or a bungee jump but not enough to invest in it just yet. I heard about the potential back risks of bungee jumping and the various levels of security/safety in doing extreme sports in Bolivia and put this on the backburner. Maybe one for the future. 3/5.

6: Run 8km in 40mins
A sweaty yes.

I count this as a yes, but full disclosure I did change this goal to make it achieveable. The original goal was a 45 minute 10km but that was made by someone who had no idea what he was talking about and what his body is able to do. I was allowed to do this 8km in any way, and this was on a machine in a gym, so running purists probably have a valid argument against this being valid or whatever, but for my purposes I have to say I was very proud of this achievement. After doing a few runs where I would really tire around 4k, this looked like a difficult but doable challenge. I worked on it for just under a month, getting a bit faster or going a bit further each time and then the week before my birthday I ran the 8k in 39:45. You know what really helped? Getting more than 7 hours sleep and a solid breakfast on days where I would try this. I’m reasonably fit and active but sustaining the pace was tough so I was really pleased with this. 4/6.

7: Own a bike and use it
Yes.
I bought a bike from a friend who was leaving Bolivia and it doesn’t have (much) dust on it. Santa Cruz isn’t cyclist friendly, but I do ride it to and from work sometimes, a bit on the weekend, and had a great day when the city shut down cycling around on my bike. 5/7.

8: Go on a long long horseride
No, sadly.

I did take a horseriding lesson with my mum while I was in the UK because I really enjoy being on horseback, but I haven’t done anything since. You can do this in Santa Cruz but it’s down by the river where the horses aren’t particulalry well looked after. When I lived in Tanzania I was on horseback a lot and basically I set the goal wanting this feeling again, rather than doing it for the first time. That probably explains why I prioritised other goals. Perhaps I’ll find a decent opportunity to spend the best part of a day in the saddle in some beautiful countryside on a holiday in the future. But no, this revisit will have to be in my 30s. 5/8.

9: Play a set of 7 songs in Spanish
Nope.
I should have got round to this one to be honest, but let it slide. In the run up to my birthday I played too few gigs to add one or two songs each time. I do have around 7 songs I could sing in Spanish if the lyrics and chords are in front of me, and there were a couple of Spanish karaoke tracks that I would now consider go-tos, but the goal was to know these lyrics and music and be stage ready. I played 1 (Flaca) unassisted at my most recent gig however that’s as far as this has got. I’m not counting this as complete yet. 5/9

10: Translate one of my songs into Spanish
A lenient yes, this one.
After I got to the end of my Spanish text book last month I asked my Spanish teacher if she would help me translate one of my songs. I chose “I See You” (for anyone who knows any of my songs) because it was originally written in Bolivia. I’m still toying with the idea of whether the rap sections should be in English or Spanish because there are some rhythms and concepts in there that just get bent too much if I edit them, but the singy parts? Yes, they’re ready. I haven’t played it live yet, but I really enjoyed putting this together and learning about the different challenges that Spanish and English-speaking lyricisits have. This could be the start of a bigger translation project as there are many more songs from where that came from. Let’s see. 6/10.

11: Learn “Big Love” on the guitar
Yes, but not very well.
This is the acoustic version of Fleetwood Mac’s Big Love, a song that you should go and listen to right now if you haven’t already. Yes, I did play this. Yes, I had to work on it a lot. Was it good? Well, the singing was fine and the guitar was passable in my much more basic, but recognisable, cover. I was pleased enough with it given that I’m an ok guitarist and this definitely sounded a level above how I normally play (even though the ceiling is still very high up!). Counts though. 7/11.

12: Sing “Cult of Personality” onstage
Not 100% in the way I had hoped, but I’m calling it a yes.
I originally envisioned singing this with a band if I’m honest, but that didn’t happen because I couldn’t motivate enough people with instruments. It’s an amazing song but not considered popular enough by the bands I play with to bring out onstage. Still, it’s now become my new favourite solo karaoke songs and I’ve sung it a couple of times, full pelt to a solid “hey yeah that was pretty good!” reaction. It’s got so much power behind it and it’s so much fun to sing, lyrically and melodically. 8/12

13: Read the Lorca Trilogy in Spanish.
No.
That’s Boda de Sangre, Yerma and La Casa de Bernada Alba. Erm. No…..You’re about to see a theme here with these upcoming reading challenges….the theme is that I didn’t do so well on them. At least now I own these books so that’s something, and I did have a few lovely lunches going through the first half of Bodas de Sangre but I was way off completing this one before I turned 30. 8/13.

14: Read “The Idiot”
Frustratingly, no.
I put this one book as a goal by itself deliberately. I’d been recommended it so so long ago by a now passed friend who said it was brilliant. I’ve started this book several times in the….10? years I’ve owned it. I’ve taken it to China, Italy and Bolivia with me but what always happens is that I read and enjoy the first 200 pages, and then I put it down and forget about it. You know what I did this year? I read the first 200 pages, enjoyed them, then never went any further. Perhaps a version of me in my 30s will do. 8/14.

15: Take 10 book recommendations and read them
Not even close.
Honestly I really do like reading. This challenge wasn’t to encourage me to enjoy reading, but to find a time for it. I basically only read when I’m on holiday. Spending a day on the beach with a book is an ideal day for me, but in my day-to-day? I just don’t, much to my discredit. Anyway, I read the Post Office, a recommendation from my brother-in-law and enjoyed it, but the other missing recommendations will have to be for the future. That’s a trilogy of nos for the reading goals. Disappointing. 8/15.

16: Watch the top 50 movies of all time.
Also no.
I chose the list from Ranker and it was just the type of list I wanted. The good classics. You know, the ones that you should be able to refer to so you don’t derail a conversation by not asking for spoilers of or not having anything to say. I had seen 31 already, so this was pretty doable, but have I seen the Green Mile? No I haven’t. Terminator? Apocalypse Now? No. Have I seen all the Lord of the Rings movies? No, I haven’t. I feel your judgement. 8/16.

17: Listen to the top 50 albums of all time
Yes, and this was really enjoyable.
I’d recommend this goal to anyone given how universal it is. I chose the Rolling Stone top 50 albums and by and large it’s a good list. The aim here was to appreciate the classics more and maybe find a new overall favourite. I’m not sure if it’s my favourite, but Rubber Soul really did it for me. Being Rolling Stone, this became a Beatles listenalong at some points, but it’s hard to avoid just how influential they were. I wasn’t particularly a fan of theirs before but I am now. Also, the Rolling Stones are quite disappointing when it comes to albums aren’t they?

In general, I had listened to very few of these albums as albums before, although from time to time I’d be reminded of a classic single that I’d never known the name or artist of in the past. I’m going to rerank this top 50 at some point in the future and blog about it. As I’m writing this, number 51 on their list (Bridge over Troubled Water – Simon and Garfunkel) is playing. I feel an obvious stretch goal coming on. 9/17.

18: Complete “Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild”
Yes.
I should say that from the outset, this meant “Get the master sword and beat Ganon” as the only pre-requisites, because this game is huge. The game is so beautiful I felt like I was in a painting happily exploring from place to place. It’s magnificent, as anyone will tell you. I’d gone through the game how you are supposed to with the divine beasts etc, then making it up past those goddam lynels took a while and Ganon took a few attempts, but it was very satisfying to parry that final blow right back into his face. Of course then just as I’m congratulating myself for ticking off a goal, the extra Ganon battle starts. That one was a bit easier though and Hyrule can rest easy.
Well it can’t because the game doesn’t allow you to save after you beat Ganon, but whatever. 10/18.

19: Find a new hobby
Boxing.
Boxing fell into fashion with my group of friends late last year, and it was a lot of fun to try out. I’m not particularly agressive or strong, but thankfully I’m reasonably coordinated which is, as I would learn, probably more important.

The boxing gym near our house is big enough to have one ring in the middle, a row of 5 bags on the side and a small floor area. The guys who run it are, casual, to say the least. They come from the school of baptism by fire which has its pros and cons. It meant that pretty quickly I was thrown in the ring with someone with experience who “needed to practice his dodging”. Now, that was useful advice because I worked out pretty quickly what his dodge was. Clever me, I thought, so I faked and hit where he was dodging to. Clocked him right in the face. I’m a champion, I thought. Actually not clever, I realised, because the more you tag your sparring partner, the more they up their game. It was an oddly cool experience though having one of those rocky moments as you get hit and time slows as you see that he’s smacked sweat off your face. And this was the advanced guy who was going easy on me.

The second time I got in the ring was with someone with much less experience, but a lot more weight. Roughly the same height as me, but about 2.5 times wider. I don’t know much about boxing, but aren’t there weight divisions for a reason? Anyway, I was encouraged to “go for it!” by the trainers. I proceeded to “go for it” and very quickly learnt that his punch was much stronger than mine and we hadn’t worked on dodging or blocking yet. I had my ass handed to me. Later I was told “well, you went looking for it and you got it”…apparently you’re not supposed to give it everything or something. It was interesting but this whole “yeah do it you’ll be fine- wait you went for it so that’s your fault” attitude left a sour taste in my mouth.

Anyway, the guys there are nice and friendly, the monthly cost is really low and if you go when it’s empty you can put your own music on, but on top of the whole being punched in the face for general amusement, I would constantly pick up small injuries here and there to my wrists, ankles and ribs because I wasn’t learning any technique. I gave it a couple of months, and sometimes just used it to build up fitness (I can certainly skip much better than I used to be able to) but then when dancing entered my life, boxing quickly got put on the backburner. Fun experience though, and it counts as a completion. 11/19.

20: Achieve something in a hobby
Yes.
Deliberately left vague when I set this goal because I had to find/rediscover hobbies first and then do something cool with them. I picked up ballroom dancing again at the start of this year after I met my partner, Macarena (yes, I know it’s the best name you could ask for from a dance partner) late last year.

She’s a pro and is setting up an arts school here with her husband. I had danced for a few years at university where I discovered that because of a shortage of guys in ballroom generally, you’re always dancing with someone better than you and learning quickly as a result. This happened again here, where I expressed interest in joining her classes, and she tested me out a little bit and thought we should try and compete together. Now, we have a couple of classes a week and work towards competitions because for her it’s good publicity and for me it’s good fun.

We had a month to put together a dance for an international competition in Santa Cruz where even though I’m British and she’s Chilean, we represented Bolivia. Freestyle event, so we chose the music and there were no restrictions. Her and he husband Tomas put this together:

And we won! Yes, the Bolivian ballroom dancing scene is in its infancy and we were only competing against 2 other couples, but man was this a lot of fun to learn and do. Technically we’re the reigning champions right now, so I’m counting that as a completion and then some. 12/20

21. Learn to independently cook 3 new things
Not independently, no.

Cooking is simply not interesting for me. I think it’s great that so many people can have a passion for it, but I’ve never fully got into it and know that leaves me lacking somewhat as a person. Yes, I can throw pasta, an omelette or a basic stir-fry or whatever together if I need to, but I don’t want to. I’ll stretch to “we can cook this together if you don’t mind how slow I am”. I start making up reasons why I shouldn’t cook like “surely it’s better for the environment if we eat in restaurants rather than individually firing up our kitchens”.

I conscripted my girlfriend’s help for this one and started work on 1) sushi, 2) brownie and 3) lasagna. The brownie recipe that she passed me is a really good one and I can and have done that independently. For the other two, we made them together and they tasted good but gun-to-head do I back myself to put these together well? No. More practice needed. 12/21.

22: Go vegan for a month
Oddly this was the first one I ticked off.
I went in depth into the reasons why I did this and how it was here, so take a look if you like. 13/22

23: Own land
Yes. Come visit.

I was in the process of buying land when I set this goal, but if you want to know anything about Bolivian legal procedures; know that they always take longer than everyone says they will, there will be hidden costs all over the place and the rules will change depending on who you talk to. So yes, all of these things happened but I now own 500m2 of land just outside of Santa Cruz. I started writing blogs about its progress here if you want to learn more. 14/23

24: Plant half a dozen trees
And then some.

Planting trees is incredibly satisfying, especially when they are as cheap as they are here. I’ve picked up a habit out of going to the market, asking for a tree recommendation and then going to my land to plant it. I blogged about it here and since writing that blog I’ve planted even more trees based on what has grown well.

My banana tree is already much bigger than I am and may start producing next year. Other plants have come and gone to pests and weeds, but the citrus stuff holds on nicely and my bamboo “forest” is on the way. Excluding the bamboo, there are about 20 young trees on the land now, and I’m really interested to see how it evolves and grows. 15/24

25: Decorate my room
My girlfriend says this is cheating and she’s probably right, but to hell with it this is my list. Yes.
This time last year I was living in part of our school. It was a school that we lived in rather than a house that we taught out of. My bedroom was great but it was just not healthy to be that close to my work all the time. I couldn’t switch off properly or escape work. I needed to move out and I’m so glad I did. Happy coincidence came up though, because I was flat-hunting at the same time as my girlfriend was looking to rent out a room in her house. Well, now she’s my girlfriend and my landlord.

My room in her house could still do with a little decoration really. A couple more plants and I should hang a couple of pictures, but given just how much better my living situation is for my mental health than it used to be, that’s a profound enough win for me. 16/25.

26: Do an ancestory test
The easiest one of them all, probably.
My sister saw this and, quite wisely, thought it made a good christmas present for a sibling. I privately hoped for a sliver of South American in me but no. I’m 6.8% Swedish ancestory so that’s pretty cool, but my genetics are pure European. Take a look.

I’m really white, basically.

I already knew that my surname is native to my hometown, so this wasn’t a surprise. 17/26.

27: Do an escape room
This was so much fun.

Santa Cruz doesn’t have escape rooms as far as I’m aware, so this was a London job. I gathered together a group a game theatrey friends and we set about cracking a murder mystery. It was even better than I thought it would be to be honest as we worked together bit by bit. Given that it was the first time for all of us, we got remarkably close to escaping and everyone had their individual eureka moment as we pieced things together, whether it was my friend Dan magnetising some keys through a maze or Ed, Sarah and Chi’s pattern completions.

My own moment came when we were at a bit of an impasse. We’d opened this wardrobe and there was a piece to a puzzle in a blazer pocket, but it didn’t seem that we’d got everything out of this part of the room. I step inside as I can see a few receipt tickets and that might crack a code down the line…wait a minute I can see a light….THIS WALL IS FALSE! The back of the wardrobe opened into the murderer’s secret jail cell with lots more puzzles. So so cool.

It was great fun, and once the hour was up we were just 2 steps away from getting out. It would have been nice to have completed it of course, but it was such great fun to just do. 18/27.

28. Get a tattoo
Got it, with 3 days to go.

I’ve liked Leonard Cohen since my old friend Marianne (named for the song) introduced me to him on a nightime drive back in the Uk. For a while I had considered my Chinese name for a tattoo or something videogame related, but once I had the idea for a tattoo representing Cohen’s “Bird on a Wire” it was decision made.

If you haven’t heard the song, it’s about trying, in your way, to be free. Cohen, like everyone, struggled with the concept of what freedom actually is or looks like in so many of his lyrics, but a bird on a wire asks just enough questions. For me, it’s a tattoo that celebrates flying around the world in my 20s and trying, in my way, to be free. It’s also in rememberance of my dad (the bigger bird that I, the smaller bird, am looking up to) who flew on many years ago.

A couple of days later I found out that it happens to be one of my aunt’s favourite lyrics too, which makes it even more special. I knew she was a big fan, but to be this specific makes me very happy. 19/28.

29: Write and publish material for Language Connection
Yes.
Language Connection is the institute that I part own and part run here in Santa Cruz. Now, I could have made a 30 before 30 all for the things I do in this company but I limited myself to one goal and that was to put together 1st versions of these excercise books that I’ve made for the kids who study with us.

There’s a ton of material (over 300 pages) in here that’s taken months of work, but it all came together at the start of June. Revisions will come of course, and there are 1 or 2 books to potentially add to the series, but I’m really proud of these.

I want to shout out to my friend Sion Clarke for his help on these. He’s the illustrator for all of the images that we’ve got going on here and they really give the books their own feel. He’s done such a great job. Thank you Sion, and to all the teachers of Language Connection who helped revise some of the activities in these books. 20/29.

30: Tie a balloon, riffle cards
Technically yes. More yes than no.
Choosing to be lenient again here because I hardly mastered either of these two skills that I’d just like to be able to do without thinking about. I hate tying balloons and just tying things in general because I suck at it, but I’m not a total embarassment anymore so that’s something. And that riffle sound when I first did it successfully? Yeah, that was cool. The goal should have been better from the outset really, but perhaps that’s something I can work on for the next batch.

Final tally: 21/30

Reaction to the result?
Pleased! I’m happy with that as a year of my life, and I would recommend this system to anyone interested. As a list, it was a constant “something there” and when half an opportunity arose to do something I sometimes felt like, “wait, this is something I do want to do. So why not do it now?”.

Another big pro to this list was some of the conversations I got out of friends about it. About what they would put on their lists. Some friends did make lists of their own and I’m keen to hear how they’re doing.

I’ve really enjoyed this though, and will probably make a “30 now I’m 30” list to go on from here. Some of these accomplishments have obvious stretch goals. Others are things I still want to do. Like reading, for example.

In case you’re doing something similar. Here’s what I would recommend to anyone making one of their own lists:

– Have a time limit
Turning 30 works but I guess it could work at any age, but the whole thing would fall apart without a deadline. I completed about half of my challenges a month before my birthday, despite having a year to do them.

– Be lenient
I’ve found it to be much better to be lenient and adapt impossible goals once I found they were too lofty, than to hold myself to these to the letter. Take the list seriously, but at the end of the day, it’s just a list. For example, if I had stuck with a 45 minute 10k, I would have given up before I got to a 40m 8k.

– Make your goals possible as an individual
Even if I wanted to have had a kid before 30 then you wouldn’t find it on this list because it’s kind of not just my choice.

– Include something you were planning on doing anyway
Meeting my niece was something that I didn’t have to have a 30 before 30 list to motivate me to complete, but it was probably one of the biggest moments of my year so it is worth celebrating.

– Have a range of difficulties
Being able to tick off something easy can be a real motivator to come back to the list as a whole. Be aware though that what you think is easy might not actually get done. It’s odd to see some “easy” ones I didn’t complete, so perhaps they weren’t so easy after all. I thought being vegan for a month would be the most difficult one for me, and it was really hard, but I did it. Did I finish “The Idiot”- a book that I actively enjoy? No, I didn’t.

– Make the goals specific
Have something concrete if possible which means you know when you’ve completed the goal. “Take my country total to 20” is obviously a yes or no situation. “Decorate my room” wasn’t great as a goal.

Most importantly, these goals are just additional to the real life day to day things that go on like staying physically and mentally healthy, working hard in my job, taking time for my friends, that kind of stuff.

I don’t believe in only living for today but I think it’s important to remember that our time is finite. Everyone knows someone who was taken from the world too soon. When all is said and done, my gravestone will not say “he succeeded” because what does that mean? But I’d be satisfied if it said “Well, he tried”.

Ranking my experiences in 20 countries – #7 Uruguay

Posted on March 15, 2019 by lukemalkin

What’s going on here? I’m ranking my experiences in the 20 countries I’ve been to so far. Nostalgia is going to drive these explanations a bit further than #20 – 11. From there on, each country gets its own mini expose starting with #10 – France, #9 – Brazil, #8 Czechia and now it’s…

#7 – Uruguay

Visited: Montevideo, Colonia

If Bolivia falls apart and I want to stay in South America, look for me in Uruguay.

Montevideo seems to run at the same speed that my thoughts do. In some ways, it would suit me even more than Santa Cruz Bolivia does. Mid-size, well-planned, culturally bolstered cities have a way with me. Good climate, progressive politics, live and let live mentality. It’s got a coast, it’s got 2 world cups. It nestles nicely as one of those countries you don’t forget because you’ve heard of it (probably because of those world cups), but it’s not really a country that springs to the front of your mind either. That’s a good thing. Too much attention can ruin something pretty at times. This way, it’s left to just run in what looks like a pretty sensible but not overly bureaucratic manner, and that seems to suit it perfectly.

Now that’s a huge generalisation coming from someone who only spent a week there but you have to say, it’s a hell of an impression to come away with. Admittedly, a better view would be supported by a few more conversations with locals. Really, this wasn’t a social trip like so many others have been. I was traveling solo and was in a relationship at the time so there are no tinder adventures here. (Sorry if that’s what you’re here for). I was just happy to breathe in Uruguay and, it’s that live and let live mentality again, Uruguay was perfectly happy for me to do that.

Uruguay is peace more than joy. Its walking tour wasn’t lively, just insightful and interesting. There’s no grand museum, but I think I bounced through 6 pocket-sized museums in montevideo in a day. In fact, the only time Uruguay attempted to force happiness on me- at a museum of happiness no less- it fell flat. The drag guide who took me around a house set up with some pretty half-assed set pieces and material really, really struggled. She definitely did not have a good show, but perhaps her task was made even more of an uphill struggle than she wanted just by going against this calm grain that Colonia was exuding. I left that museum feeling very strange, as if I’d failed at happiness really. That was supposed to be an easy win but still. However I took a walk around the cobbled streets covered with old cars with greenery planted in them and I got back into the groove again. Stop trying so hard to enjoy yourself, I thought. Just inhale it.

Uruguay is a plucky underdog of a country. I thought it was brilliant, and anyone else who has been shouldn’t be surprised to see it sneaking into my top 10.

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Ranking my experiences in 20 countries – #8 Czechia

Posted on February 24, 2019 by lukemalkin

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#8 – Czechia

Visited: Prague

A bit of recency bias here, as I visited Prague in January 2019 with a good friend of mine. Prague edges Brazil because I was there for a snippet longer.

For me, the beer is the best in the world and it’s not even close. Readily available, cheap and focused on flavour over alcohol content, it’s a great foundation to have really got right.

I came into Czechia by train just as the light was fading and a light snow had begun to fall. I appreciated the honesty of the ticket-seller who advised me against taking the metro to my hostel because it was close enough to walk even with a small bag. I made my way out towards St Wenceslas square amidst its winter market sights and sounds. The snow had picked up a little and a street performer was tinkling a piano to a small crowd. I was going to like it here, I thought.

The piano was the theme of the evening. My friend had reserved our particular hostel because it had a piano within, a piano which he is more than capable of making sound good. I used to be/am in a music group with this guy and soon we had the hostel going open mic style.

Later it was time for our new group to head out and just down the road was a seriously cool site called doggbar. It’s hard to describe really but it’s a set of cellars the other side of a cage door. The mesh of chain and stone and high-up seating was just incredible and we followed from room to room to the distant sound of something resembling that song Casa de Papel (Money Heist) made famous last year.

The guitarist was insanely talented and the crowd were very into everything he was doing. A new friend asks him if I can sing and he asks me if I know the words to Hotel California. Erm…you mean the most famous song of one of my favourite bands and the song I must have sung personally at my own gig nights about 50 times by now? Yes. Yes I do.

But this isn’t just an average-at-best-Luke-Malkin-performance of Hotel California. This is him hitting all the accents from the Hell Freezes Over Hotel California that I have yet to even dream of playing that well. My jaw hit the floor. I started singing. I looked across and he nodded and smiled. To my joy, I’d passed his initiation. Everything else just flowed out for what is thankfully a pretty long song. I was loving every second.

We get to the end, the people have enjoyed it (everyone likes Hotel California, or at least can very easily pretend to) and I get back down. Then he hits Sultans of Swing. What? You mean one of the most famous songs of my actual favourite band. You have to be kidding me.

That was just night one. Every night in Prague was great. I just felt like it constantly had another trick up its sleeve. Our second night saw us joining a pub crawl with a really diverse crowd, who I wish I’d saved some contact details from.

My final night a meeting in a jazz bar led to me playing piano over breakfast in the Peruvian embassy. I would never have predicted that, and you can fill in the details here.

The days were great too- we weren’t just sleeping off hangovers. The walking tour was great, the technical museum was different and interesting. The sex machines museum was fun, even if the Victorian pornography downstairs almost made me vomit. The communist museum was…yeah it was fine too, and there was still clearly a lot left unexplored.

Prague is, by and large, a very easy city to be a tourist in. And it felt like after many years of visiting places that are much more difficult to travel in, my friend and I could really make the most of an amazing place.

Interestingly, we were reminded of the pitfalls of travelling while in a beautiful local restaurant a friend had recommended. The table wait was quite long so the two ladies ahead of us asked if we wanted to share a table for four. We did.

They hated Prague and couldn’t wait to get out of it, but their story was just one of bad travel decision after another. They’d changed their money with the first person they met at the train station (and got $3 of Belarussian currency for 200euros). They they wasted their whole day trying to get it back from various police stations.

Travelling is a skill you develop through experience. We were too nice to say this at the table, but if you’re not careful you can easily ruin your own holiday. It sucks, of course it does, and bad things always happen, but at the very least- learn from your mistakes and put yourself in a position to enjoy yourself. It has an alarmingly high success rate.

Ranking my experiences in 20 countries – #9 Brazil

Posted on January 20, 2019 by lukemalkin

#9 – Brazil

Visited: São Paulo

Brazil at #9 is the first of two quick-fire short trips that completely smashed expectations. I was only there for a weekend, but it made a huge impression.

This trip was a sort of pilgrimage for me. I’m a lifelong F1 fan, and I grew up watching the old season review tapes and playing the video games. My favourite circuit? Interlagos, São Paulo.

São Paulo Brazil is nothing like Santa Cruz Bolivia, so this was the first big city in South American city I visited. Everything was new and unexplored, then I rocked up at the circuit in a country I’d been in for less than 24 hours and I knew exactly. where. I. was. It was such a weird and wonderful feeling. I’d driven this track virtually hundreds of times. It was a weird homecoming,

Add to this the feeling of my first live F1 experience. Interlagos is a great circuit to visit for F1 because you get to see pretty much the entire track (F1 fans, I was on the grandstand on the long straight after the Senna Ss). Well worth it.

But Brazil doesn’t take #9 just because a multi-national event visits every year. No, it takes #9 for the series of fortunate events that took place as soon as I arrived.

I posted on facebook asking for São Paulo recommendations before I flew, and to my surprise, an American friend I’d met in Tanzania happened to be traveling and couch-surfing at that moment. Did I want her to ask if I could stay with the same hosts if there’s a problem with my hostel? Well, yes I did. Especially when upon landing I found my hostel had indeed canceled my reservation last minute. Brazil basically tore apart my novice-level plans and rewrote my holiday better than I could have imagined it.

I made my way through the concrete jungle to their location and found myself in a cool arty flat with three Brazilians who could not have done more to make me feel welcome. “Oh cool you’re here for the race, yeah come stay with us. We’re catering a party tomorrow night after the race- want to meet us there?”. Yes. Yes, I did. That party turned out the be a hipster takeover of 3..or was it 4 floors of an old flat. Redecorated like an antique shop, roof terrace, my hosts catering up great food for everyone, and everyone inexplicably spoke English. I didn’t get much chance to see the city, but I had some landmarks pointed out to me from the rooftop. I couldn’t have planned it better.

Brazilian friendliness didn’t just run in this crowd either. A local on the metro wanted to make sure that I knew where I was going when I really didn’t think I was giving off a distressed look. The taxi driver to the airport may have weaved all over the road and I have a strong suspicion he was half-blind, but he kept conversation going all the way. The taxi driver in the city, even though we couldn’t speak a word in common, got me where I wanted to go smiling.

I haven’t yet been back, and part of me thinks that it’s because a new holiday would have to do a lot to match this first one. When you consider how massive Brazil is and how it borders the country I live in, it can’t be long until I start thinking about it again.

I’m doing a 30 before 30 challenge. One of the targets was to take my country count up to 20 and I thought I’d mark that with this list of my experiences in the places I’ve traveled to. Here’s the whole list if you’re interested.

Ranking my experiences in 20 different countries #10 – France

Posted on January 16, 2019 by lukemalkin

What’s going on here? I’m ranking my experiences in the 20 countries I’ve been to so far. Nostalgia is going to drive these explanations a bit further than #20 – 11. From here on, each country is getting its own mini expose starting with…

#10 – France

Visited: Paris, Strasbourg, Tours, Various towns and cities as a child

Hopping on the ferry across the English Channel was the first border I crossed. It’s still the border I’ve crossed the most. The de facto Malkin family holiday when I was a child was to drive across some nice French countryside, stopping at a theme park on the way to a quiet gîte for the week. It’s also a place I’ve revisited a few times as an adult.

Yep..my dad was a sandals and socks guy…

These holidays were characterised by long car journeys listening to cassettes of ABBA and Dire Straits as we rolled through French countryside. Biking to the boulangerie for croissants in the morning and making friends with neighbourhood dogs. Going to Versailles and found that the only running water that day was in the public toilets. Listening to my dad fail gallantly trying to use the reflexive, and that one time in the restaurant when I showed him up by knowing how to say green beans in French when he didn’t. These trips inspired me to take French at A-level actually. I don’t think I ever understood the reflexive, nor much else in French for that matter, but I do love the language.

Despite living next to Alton Towers, I’ve never loved a theme park more than Parc Asterix, and a couple of visits there have to be my French highlight. The rides, the characters, the shows. Absolute magic. That theme tune rings happiness through me even to this day. Eurodisney is great too, don’t get me wrong, but never overlook a plucky gaul.

Strasbourg is worth a mention while I’m here, a solo trip there was the first place I took myself to completely independent of anyone’s advice while taking advantage of cheap European flights. I’ve been to a beautiful wedding in France too. On the way back from that wedding I dropped in on a friend in Paris whom I greatly admire for the way she carved out her own corner of La Ville-Lumière with a cozy high-up flat.

Paris is a beastly kind of gorgeous. There is a recognised medical condition for disappointed Japanese tourists who don’t find Paris lives up to their lofty expectations and I can totally see why that exists but for me, the Eiffel Tower isn’t even overrated. I adore its balls-out audacity, especially when you consider the time it was built. What even is it? Why does it it exist? It shouldn’t exist, but it does and somehow it immediately justifies itself. Like London or Beijing, Paris has been one of these constantly relevant powerhouse cities for so long that it’s no wonder that you can bounce from world-class this to world-class that. Don’t get me wrong, it’s ugly in parts and I’d never live there, but I’m a world away from checking myself into any Japanese clinic anytime soon. Vive la France.

Ranking my experiences in 20 different countries (Part 1)

Posted on January 15, 2019 by lukemalkin

30 before 30: #2 – Take my “countries visited” total to 20

Completed: 7 Jan 2019

I wrapped my mid-twenties around the concept of seeing the world after I got well and truly bitten by the travel bug aged 23. It’s a decision I’ve never regretted.

Until I was 23, my country counter stood at 4. In fact, I had lived without a passport for 2 years in my late teens because traveling didn’t bother me. But after I took an internship in Spain I realised the world was much bigger and more exciting that I had thought and from 2013-2017 I did my best to see and live in as much of it as possible. I lived in 5 countries on 4 continents and tried to make them as spaced out and different as possible. The northern and southern Hemisphere. The developed, the developing and the space in between.

Moving back to Bolivia at the start of 2017 marked a change from scattering myself to rooting myself. I had scratched the itch from the travel bug bite and my passion had changed. Still, I turned 29 having visited 18 countries, so adding two more seemed like a nice round target, and a recent holiday through Austria and Czechia took me up to 20.

Did you know that although you can still call it the Czech Republic, that the official short name is now Czechia? I didn’t. I actually learnt that a couple of days after getting back from there…they’re keeping it a little quiet.

Anyway, here’s where I’ve been in map form.

It’s nothing personal, Paraguay. I just wanted to go to all the countries around you.

Little pockets of 4 different continents, really. Still a ton to explore and some popular countries are certainly missing. I would love the stats on what’s the probability that I’m the only person who has ever been to this exact set of countries with no extras, if anyone reading this is mathematically minded.

A quick rules break. What’s a country?
Well diplomacy fans, I play sporcle rules when it comes to defining countries. That means that Vatican City counts and is one of my 20 despite being about the same size as the hometown I grew up in. The Uk counts as one united country (for now) even though I’ve been to England, Scotland and Wales. If you have an issue with this I’m not really interested and you should take it up with them. Airport and land crossings on the way to other countries don’t count either. (Belgium, Luxembourg, Qatar, Paraguay, The Netherlands and Slovakia, if you’re interested)

So how have they been? Where would I recommend? Here’s my highly subjective list of preferred countries based entirely on my experience in them. Here’s part one of a whistle-stop tour through my travels.

#20 – Philippines
Visited: Manila, Taal
Well, someone had to come last. A winner on many a traveller’s list, but dead last on mine. I visited for my 27th birthday and did not do my research properly. I was travelling with a good friend, which made the trip a good one, but for his company and not the places we went to in the Philippines.

Don’t do what I did and think that it might be worth hanging out in Manila, because it isn’t.

Don’t get suckered into Taal volcano on the promise of riding a horse on a volcano, because you will be put on the back of an underfed horse walked slowly up the volcano on a rope by a local who is clearly kept to a certain level of poverty by the travel company that has taken over the island.

Do go to the beaches and the islands though as they are gorgeous…but don’t do it on day trips from Manila because we set off early and were continually lied to about types of transport and transport times meaning that we had 45 minutes to enjoy one of the most beautiful beaches I’ve been on.

#19 – Switzerland
Visited: Interlaken
Switzerland is little more than a hazy, snowy memory for me because my family visited when I was still pretty young. My defining memories of Switzerland are an idyllic lake, going up a mountain on a freezing but fun cablecar/train, and being shouted at in Swiss German by a lady at a magazine stand because I wasn’t aware you couldn’t preview a Pokémon magazine before buying it like you could in the Uk. The woman was very angry and made me feel bad, so that puts Switzerland at #19.

#18 – Vatican City
Visited: Vatican City
It barely makes it as a country, which is why it is so easy that any other country I’ve enjoyed beats Vatican City to higher positions. It was absolutely amazing though and I’d recommend it to anyone visiting Rome. I adored the frescos and the sistine chapel is much better appreciated in the flesh. Still, this country is a recommendation for a day out in Rome and no more than that, so the Vatican comes in at #18.

#17 – Malawi
Visited: Nyika
We’ve fully entered the positive experiences territory here at number #17, by the way. My most memorable moment of Malawi was seeing a wild leopard with a cub in her mouth for 3 seconds while on safari. We’d been searching for anything all day with only a little success, but then this brief encounter felt amazing as she approached our car in the dusk, saw us, and disappeared.

I was travelling with a group of people I didn’t really know, but we had a good time chatting and singing in a cool cabin that night. The next day, me and a woman called Janicka took a 40km bike safari among the zebras. The undulating scenery was beautiful and it goes down as one of my favourite activities ever. Malawi doesn’t get higher on this list because this nature experience was never balanced with any human activity. I can’t say I talked to any locals, we were just there for the animals for those 2 days. Because of that, I didn’t connect much to the country in that short time. I remember it was a clear step down from Tanzania on the development ladder, but there’s certainly some fantastic natural beauty.

The safari was great, but I left my zoom lens behind so you’ll have to make do with this landscape

#16 – Colombia
Visited: Bogota, Medellin, Cartagena

Like the Philippines, Colombia often features much higher on other travellers’ lists compared to mine, but here’s where subjectivity comes into list-building.

I spent 2 weeks in Colombia. Sadly, it loses serious points for reasons that aren’t really Colombia’s fault. I was very much falling out of love with my then-girlfriend who I was travelling with, I was ill for about 4 days and couldn’t enjoy Bogota properly and added to this, I felt terrible and stupid after a friend and I both got pickpocketed in a Medellin bus terminal. Goodbye wallet, hello budgeting for the rest of the trip. Not really Colombia’s fault. Pickpocketing can happen anywhere, but for me it happened here.

But to Colombia’s credit it’s got some great cities and everywhere else felt safe and exciting. Relaxing, reading and eating fish on an island just off Cartagena was a highlight, as was a taxi ride into Medellin with old-fashioned latin music blaring on the radio. The Botero gallery is one of my favourite gallery experiences to date. Bike and walking tours around the cities were great and often didn’t hold much back; which made them more engaging and memorable.

Colombia didn’t show me its best side, but it was clear that it had a lot going for it. Fortunately, I get a day-long stopover in Bogota on the way back to Bolivia in a week to see it through healthier eyes.

They told me that traveling is the best way to find yourself

#15 – Peru
Visited: Cuzco, Machu Picchu

My Peruvian experience sits here at a solid 15th place because I had a wonderful holiday here, but unlike the countries that come higher up on the list, there was very little about the holiday that felt like my Peruvian experience was necessarily any different to anyone else’s experience there.

The reason for that is obvious. I took the well-traveled road with a good friend through La Paz, to Cuzco, to Puno and to, you guessed it: Machu Picchu. Machu Picchu is worth the hype, and is oddly still amazing even when it’s crawling with tourists. We got up to the summit early enough that when we arrived it was still covered in morning mist, so we got to watch as the morning light slowly unveiled one of the modern world’s seven wonders. That’s a moment I’m never going to forget.

I’ve recently been recommended other locations in Peru, and a revisit would probably see Peru reach higher up on this list.

The 1000th photo taken from that angle that day

#14 – Argentina
Visited: Buenos Aires

There’s no two ways about it, Buenos Aires is special. But there’s also no two ways about the fact that the city is suffering terribly from being an old new world city stuck in a new new world.

Everything about Buenos Aires seemed to speak to me though, from its love of culture to the history of tango. My highlight there was sitting in a local tango club after a class to watch the professionals improvise their way around the floor. For someone who only really knows ballroom dancing as a regimented affair, to watch the movements flow out of these dancers so seamlessly really felt special. Although I was staying in an Air Bnb (this tiny tiny but charming room in an attic- I felt like a wannabe/failed poet) I latched onto a hostel crowd that helped make this solo holiday a bit more social.

There’s a lot more of Argentina to see, and I’m especially interested in Salta in the north, as well as a trip to Patagonia whenever time allows.

You’ll know this one. It’s the one that goes dun Dun dun dun. da-da da dar dar. dun Dun dun dun. da-da dar dar dar

#13 – Austria
Visited: Vienna

From the land of the tango, to the land of the waltz, my holiday in Austria was quite similar to Buenos Aires. Austria pips Argentina because I had a close friend with me who really made the culture I was soaking up feel even more enjoyable. No waltzing took place sadly, but that was the only oversight in a city that seems to have worthwhile museums and galleries on every corner.

Open and welcoming, Austria was a real delight for the short time I was there. It made me want to embrace and learn a bit of German even though it seemed entirely unnecessary. The Beethoven Frieze was fascinating, as was the Leopold museum and I just felt while I was there that there was a lot more going on than what I could consume in 3 days.

For the record I like this for more than just its Ganondorf triforces

#12 – Japan
Visited: Osaka, Kyoto, Nara, Tokyo, Hakone

Japan was a 2-week holiday- not that that is long enough to really appreciate it. It was a strange one for me as a lone traveler in somewhere so so different to what I was used to. It also came immediately after my Korean holiday, where Seoul had already thrown me into a state of semi-confusion that I hadn’t fully recovered from yet.

I landed in Osaka and was impressed immediately by Dotonbori and the sheer madness of it all. Like Korea, Japan is best when you’re with either a guide or someone who really knows where to nudge you from time to time. I loved the metro in Osaka, it was old and new and renewed all at the same time. Kyoto was hauntingly beautiful. I did see a geisha through the mist at one point before she scuttled off. I also spent a mind-boggling half an hour playing poker in a maid cafe against an old guy with an eye-patch. I lost pretty quickly. Distractions were everywhere.

Japan is a weird place where you do weird things. I hung out with the deer in Nara, climbed though a big wooden nostril, did the Shinjuku shuffle, ate the most overpriced avocado I’ll ever have in harijuku and saw the most overpriced (but amazing) battle robot show in Tokyo. I used the phrase “Domo origato Mr. Roboto” in an authentic context. I fed the Nintendo child in me browsing the games stores and I hiked and onsen-ed in Hakone. Mt. Fuji eluded me, but I spent a powerful evening walking through the Fushimi Inori Taisha shrine that made up for it with its own mysticism. That place is amazing.

I enjoyed it, but oddly, I wasn’t happy there. I think I was burning out after all that cultureshock, but getting up everyday wasn’t easy at times. I was weighing up a lot of decisions about my future at the time but Japan was a wild backdrop to this as I did.

I am not a sex tourist

#11 – Italy
Visited: Rome, Venice

I’ve been to Italy twice. The first time was a holiday with my family just before university to Rome, which was great. It included the aforementioned Vatican City. All nice, all fine. But Italy nearly breaks the top 10 because of Venice, the second holiday I took there. You don’t need to know the details, you just to need to know that I did the fully loved-up holiday with my long-time university girlfriend and it was a beautiful holiday. Singing gondolier, St. Mark’s square. Enough said.

(Part 2: #10 – #1 when I get chance to write it)

5 down, 25 to go. See the whole list and why I’m doing it here
Days remaining: 152

Meeting Ianthe

Posted on December 29, 2018 by lukemalkin

30 before 30: #1 – Meet my niece

Completed: 18 Dec 2018

Well, I’d be a terrible person if I didn’t complete this one.

They’re wrong when they tell you the best gifts are under the tree

It’s what I’d been looking forward to throughout 2018 since I heard that my sister was pregnant with her first child. Being so far away from home I don’t see my family so much, but I was thrilled for her that she was expecting.

Ianthe is a Greek name and means purple flower. In the week that she was born, I spotted purple flowers growing on my land. One of life’s happy coincidences.

I’d been wondering what the first moment of meeting her would be like and then it happened all at once. I’d just got off the bus from London to Nottingham to meet my sister and was on my way to find wifi when I glanced left under a bus shelter and bang. There’s my sister. And in her arms? Hello Ianthe.

I’m not scared of children, but I don’t have baby experience. Growing up, my sister and I were the youngest of the sets of cousins on both sides of the family so when it comes to children in general, I get really scared that I’m going to break them. The babies themselves and their crying doesn’t worry me so much, but the idea of dropping them or something terrifies me.

But Ianthe’s different. I was happy to dive straight in and she seemed to enjoy it as much as I did. She likes energy and distraction and attention and I can give her that. I’ve managed to get her to sleep when needs be as well. Basically, she’s great. Even better than I was expecting.

Now, don’t go expecting me to suddenly father a child off the back of this, but when and if that time comes, I’ll be glad for it.

A short entry, this one as the goal was pretty simple. Nevertheless, it’s now four down, twenty-six to go. And I’m about halfway through the time limit. See the whole list and why I’m doing it here. 2019 will have to be better than 2018 was, but I do have some of the others on the go so it’s not quite as bad as it looks.

Days remaining: 154

Life on Life

Posted on October 14, 2018 by lukemalkin

30 before 30: #24 – Plant half a dozen trees

Completed: 13 Oct 2018

My subconscious goes at it quite a lot, and it likes to talk to me through music. Whatever song happens to be playing on my mind’s jukebox each day is often there for a reason, usually inspired by some stimulus that only makes sense to me a few minutes or a few hours later when I stop and think about the lyrics that I’m being played.

It wasn’t long after I started clearing out vegetation on my land that “Colours of the Wind” from Pocahontas started playing. In particular the line, “You think you own whatever life you land on, the earth is just a dead thing you can claim”. Great, my subconscious is an eco-warrior.

It isn’t lost on me that although my name is on the documentation, I’m not the only life here. The weeds don’t care if my signature is on the derechos reales, they’re going to keep growing as much as they can. In comparison with my business, which if I leave alone will start dying, if I leave the land alone it’ll be teaming with life.

So this land certainly isn’t a “dead thing I can claim”. Now the rains have started to come, life in its variety has started to surface. I found little mushrooms on the land hiding under some of the grass, there have been a variety of small but cool spiders, and I also found this colourful insect.

Colourful means stay well away, right?

The discovery of the day though was of some violet flowers. What makes violet flowers particularly poignant is that they’re already a symbol for my newly-born niece. Her name is Ianthe, and it means purple flower. It’s one of those happy coincidences on a day where I was to plant 4 trees, but didn’t know where.

There are also some white flowers on the land, but I don’t have relatives for that name

The four trees I planted today are a tajibos, mara (mahogany- endangered in Bolivia apparently), something semi-cactusy, and a mystery plant I’ve forgotten the name of. I was given these by my good friend Ubaldo. They’ve been growing in milk packets for the past two years and are now ready for the real earth. The mystery plant has gone next to the purple flower, so we’ll see what that turns into. Who knows if Ianthe will come and visit on a backpacking through South America trip in 20 years time? It’ll be a cute story for her if she ever does.

At least for now in these early stages, I’m also quite into dedicating growing life to the memory of people passed. I’m going to wait until the trees take hold a little more before dedicating anything specifically. People say everything grows here, but I’m new to this so everything will be bit by bit.

Including the bamboo that I put in a couple of weeks ago, there are now 8 trees growing on that land. It ticks off the 30 before 30 objective, but I have no plans on stopping there. In the coming weeks I’d like some more bamboo in, as well as experimenting with some fruit trees. I’ve also started my own fledging tajibos and mara trees in plastic cups back at my house in the hope that they could be transferred to the land next year.

I just wanted to show you my protractor t-shirt

Now we wait for rain, and for life to do its thing.

So that’s three down, twenty-seven to go. See the whole list and why I’m doing it here.

Days remaining: 239

500m2 of Potential: Becoming a Landowner

Posted on September 11, 2018 by lukemalkin

30 before 30: #23 – Own a plot of land

Completed: 4 Sept 2018

When it comes down to it, my pulse runs at the pace of a small village. I grew up in one.

Cresswell, 25 minutes outside Stoke in the middle of the Uk, is a little isolated. Pub, church, postbox. When I was a child there used to be a bus service that could pick you up on a Tuesday morning. The return service was Thursday morning. I didn’t get out much.

Next to my house there was a field. My dad once asked me what I’d do if I won the lottery and my small town dreams told him that I’d buy that field and put a go-kart track on it. Of course, for most lower-middle class Brits that’s the only time you’d really think of owning land; if you won the lottery.

But the world is not equal. I’m not lower-middle class here, and the price of land in Bolivia – where I now call home – is substantially lower than in the UK. I remember that pioneer land-owning dream creep into the back of my mind when I came back to Bolivia having bought a one-way ticket and a stake in a company. Maybe if things go well, I joked with a friend, I might be able to buy some land and build something for myself out there. That’d be nice. That’d be freedom wouldn’t it?

Porongo, 25 minutes outside of Santa Cruz, is a small town the other side of the river Piraí and it’s suited to the laid-back lifestyle. A step up from Cresswell, there’s a football pitch on the town square. Milk ice-creams and alligator meat are served from the small restaurants. Oh, and there’s fruit everywhere. Ever had an achachairú? You should. You should have several.

They taste better than they look.

Go down the road that goes past the wooden Jesuit church for 10 minutes from that plaza and there’s a 500m2 plot of land that is mine. Next to it is a 500m2 plot of land owned by my friend and business partner, Joe.

Credit where credit’s due; this was his idea. The seller wasn’t going to sell anything less than 1000m2 at a time, and neither of us had the money for the whole chunk- so now we individually own half each.

Like most things that involve lawyers in Bolivia, no-one really knows what they’re doing. But anything worth doing (especially in the developing world) takes much longer and costs more than the initial, wildly-optimistic timeframe and price that you start off with. When it comes down to it, it’s a good deal when the raw price of the land is $15 a m2 though. A damn good deal.

See that white stick? That’s my white stick now, because I just spent my savings on it.

It’s a long rectangle, so maybe a go-kart track isn’t the best idea. It’s much more suited to archery, a bowling alley or a shooting range. Whatever it’s good for, 500m2 of potential is my favourite thing about it now. If I saved up, I could have a pool if I really really wanted. Or a treehouse. Or a bamboo forest. Or a fallout shelter for the apocalypse.

Santa Cruz has a cultural thing called quintas. It’s your house in the country and your weekend escape whenever you want it. Most wealthier families here will have one or share one and they’re just what you need to escape. That’s the aim right now. Something small for a little shelter and make the rest pretty with fruit trees and bamboo.

Clearly I have no idea where to place my expectations.

I’ve never done anything like this before. The land has a few youngish trees on it at the moment, but I feel there should be more. All I really know right now is that I’ll plant a tree in memory of a green-fingered friend of mine we lost, and then a few more to see if I can’t get some fruit to offer to weekend guests.

Joe and I have started potting around already. It’s mostly weeding and cleaning right now. Joe managed to put some grass down in a way that totally didn’t look like we’d just buried someone.

The machete just makes it look worse doesn’t it?

This adventure calls for its own blog and I’ll keep updating here with how things are going. We’re spending quieter weekends dropping by with better tools, beers and ideas each time we go. We have to fence off our bit (although we’re not separating our parts from each other) and then we’re just free to take it at our pace, though I hear the best time to plant here is in November.

It’s really the beginning of an adventure, but it’s a check off the list. Two down, twenty-eight to go. See the whole list and why I’m doing it here.

Days remaining: 280

Being Vegan for Month: What I learned

Posted on September 3, 2018 by lukemalkin

30 before 30: #22 – Go Vegan for a month

Completed: 1 Sept 2018

When I was writing this list, number 22 was the one I was dreading doing the most. People who know me know that I like eating, there are very few foods from around the world that I won’t eat, but I don’t make food a priority in my life. I’ve lived with one of my best friends for about 2 years now and he’s seen me cook maybe…once?

Why? 2 main reasons. The first one is because taking care of what you eat should be just part and parcel of living and I don’t respect that enough. Secondly, I’ve believed for a while that the vegans have it right. I’m fully on board with the idea that the rate of meat that we’re consuming on the whole is reckless and unsustainable. I live in a country where the rainforest is being chopped down at an alarming rate to create extra farmland to raise animals that grow in terrible conditions all so I can have chicken from a small restaurant for just over £1.

Now, do you have to be as strict as becoming 100% vegan to support the environment? I don’t feel I do. Overall, I’m looking for a reduction in my meat intake rather than an elimination, but elimination for a month is going to force me to rethink my diet. That’s why it’s on the list.

The last time I tried anything like this I was 15 and went vegetarian to try and impress a girl I liked. I ate a sausage roll that Wednesday. With that in mind, I was ready for this to take a couple of attempts and thought I’d better try it pretty early on and in steps. I started by switching my lunches to a vegan delivery company in July with the idea of taking on August as the vegan month.

This was bigger news to the office than I thought it would be. What’s this? Vegan? Why is it so expensive? It’s just salad- what’s the point? “I just hate when something looks like meat, but it isn’t. It’s lying”. I’d never considered my lunch as a hot topic before, which was ironic because I didn’t like how cold these salads were. I was missing the warmth of something that had been cooked, but at least this companies’ sauces were good and the variety was just about good enough to keep me interested. I also tried soy milk, then I spat it out. That stuff is horrible.

Then, to my surprise, two of my housemates said that they’d try something like this for August too. One housemate said he’d go vegetarian for the month, another said he’d go vegan but only on weekdays. The trial-vegetarian is a big barbecue-lover by the way. This was a massive surprise, and it definitely helped my motivation.

1st August came. No more meat. No more milk. No more chocolate from the company tuck shop. No more cheese or eggs or ham sandwiches. No more empanadas and no more cake. This was going to be a long month.

I should probably be a bit clearer on the rules at this point. I wasn’t going to worry about things that weren’t vegan on what I’d call a technicality. If it’s pasta from the supermarket that may contain traces of egg or chips that’ve been cooked in partial animal fat, I’m not worried about that. Beer and wine are apparently not vegan but they were exempt from this rule too. I have to do due diligence to check if the hummus has traces of yoghurt in it but it doesn’t reset the counter if I find out later that it does. I’m also not allowed to refuse everything at a dinner party if there isn’t a vegan option, because my rule is not more important than the enjoyment of the host. This happened once, and I knowingly ate cheese. You get the idea. It’s serious, but it’s not 100% strict. It’s also a diet too, which means my leather wallet didn’t get thrown away.

I was told by the vegans in my life (in person or indirectly on facebook) that the positive benefits of my diet would start to show in about 1 or 2 weeks and then I’d know I’d made a good decision. Well, for me, the first week was amazing. I felt an obvious spike in energy in my daily routine. I was down to 0 or 1 coffees (now without milk) a day from my usual 2 or 3, and I was able to keep going for longer at the gym. So far, so excellent.

What I think had happened is that my body had been given a surplus in vitamins and just went crazy happy. It wasn’t so much that I’d removed meat, but my fruit and vegetable intake had gone through the roof. But midweek in the second week I felt noticeably sadder.

There was no circumstantial reason for it. Nothing different was happening behind the scenes. My job was stressful but my job is always stressful. I didn’t want company so much, and I was tired quicker. Tired, but not feeling I’d produced enough that day to justify taking a nap. You know, that mixed-up logic that only a tired mind would make? Well, I was doing that a lot.

But on the upside I was cooking. Well, basically cooking. If you call pastas and vegetable stir-fry and occasional fried aubergines- that’s the number one new food in my life by the way- cooking. Mashed potato tasted ok, but lacking something (I think it was that I’d used the rest of that soy milk). I did learn that if you haphazardly throw spices into whatever you’re making, your housemates will be deceived into thinking you’re cooking. I went and picked things up from the store and cooked with my girlfriend which made for a lovely Sunday afternoon. That’s normal for normal people, but that was new for me.

The problem was that I never felt full. Weeks 3 and 4 levelled off and I never got that week 1 buzz back, but I didn’t feel as bad as I did in week 2. I was determined to see out the month with the knowledge that I 100% wasn’t going to keep this going into September. I wasn’t going to go through week 2 again.

One of my favourite restaurants in Santa Cruz is Indian, and is big on its vegan lunches. When I went there, that was when I’d feel full. One Saturday afternoon going into the final week I tried one of their recommended lentil curries and my body picked up its mood immediately. It was clear that being vegan could definitely be a good thing for me but I wasn’t quite balancing it right. Or maybe I’d just tricked my body into thinking it’d eaten something that didn’t look dissimilar to a meaty curry. Or maybe it was because it was a Saturday afternoon, the sun was shining and I’d had a couple of beers. Probably all of the above.

Coming to the final few days of August, I knew I had this in the bag. My housemates had cheated a few times (the weekend started including Fridays…and sometimes Mondays….and a Wednesday), but I thought of that Tesco sausage roll I’d eaten as a teenager and told myself I didn’t want to have to start this all again. Also, I had made this 30 before 30 in June and I hadn’t ticked off a single entry yet. The end was in site.

So there I was at 11:30 sat in the kitchen watching my housemate eat his pizza (it was Friday after all) feeling that I’d done it, and he’d offered me a slice for after midnight. At 12:10am I double-checked with everyone in the room that it was in fact September, and savoured that bite in a moment of silence. It was the proudest slice of pizza I’ll probably ever eat. It tasted of accomplishment and relief but mostly it tasted like cheese and that was wonderful for me. The next day I had a packet of Rocklets (they’re basically Bolivian M&Ms) and my brain fizzed as my neurones gossiped en masse that chocolate was back in my life.

It wasn’t meat that I’d missed so much; it was dairy. The milk here in Bolivia isn’t as good as the milk in the UK (it’s all longlife UHT stuff) but I still love it. I have done all my life. Cake too. I didn’t have to shy away from my housemates’ muffins anymore or anything with butter in it. My girlfriend hooked us up with a barbecue place over the weekend to celebrate and the pork (Bolivian friends read: matambre) was excellent.

(Skip this paragraph if you’re not interested in my digestive tract). My mind and my tastebuds were very happy to go back to normal, but my body had definitely done some adjusting to the vegan diet. Things had, let’s say, been *coming through* a bit more readily than before while I was vegan but then this weekend of eating freely was not received well by my intestines which, when left with an easier processing job for a month, took on the meat challenge a bit too readily. Furthermore, I needed a LOT more sleep than usual and much of Sunday was spent with a dull migraine too- and I don’t even remember the last time I had one of those. I’m writing this on the Monday after and now I feel normal again, but there was definitely a re-adjustment period.

So was it worth it? Yes, definitely. It came with its ups and downs. I try to take my mental health seriously because that stuff is precious, but on the whole I think I have a better respect for food and cooking and longterm this should be good for me. I’m also slightly more prepared for the possibility that our grandchildren look at each other in horror when they realise that “granddad used to eat cows”. For the future, I’m definitely considering the vegan option where there is one, especially in restaurants.

I’d recommend it to anyone considering it, and I think I managed it without cheating thanks to the preparation period of just doing lunches for a little and then stepping up to the whole day.

If you’re living in Santa Cruz Bolivia, be prepared for at least half of the people here to not have heard of being vegan before, and for most of those that do to think that it’s a ridiculous idea because “meat tastes good”. I mean, it does, but that’s not the point. This feeling is echoed in the economics too- it’s more expensive to have a good salad than something quick from a small restaurant. That being said, there are more vegan food places popping up throughout this city, and Ambika (That Indian Restaurant – 3rd/4th ring San Martin) leads the way. Also, once any restaurant owner has got over you asking for something vegan – which takes about 20 seconds for most – they’ll usually offer you something. It’s a personal choice after all, and you’re not forcing lack-of-meat on them.

So, one down, twenty-nine to go. See the whole list and why I’m doing it here.

Days remaining: 283

lukemalkin

travels_teaches_sings_films___can dance a little

Author: lukemalkin